It has been quite sometime since I have updated, non-existent reader, but I need an outlet for more fears, concerns and gripes.
About a month after my last entry, I moved away from Lexington. I know, really big decision, but I'm not necessarily regretting it. My one friend at the office left about a week before I did, and I was still doing pretty much the same stuff I had been for the three months before (not so much writing, but a lot of mailing and proof-reading). The people there were really nice, but I was fully ready to continue learning more, and that halted after my second month or so. I was able to stay until the completion of the catalog, so I stayed for a whole season.
A week or two before thanksgiving, I packed all my things, and made my way south. I had two interviews scheduled, one for the internship I told you about, the other for a part-time job at a bookstore. Good news is I got the part-time job. Bad news is I didn't get the internship. According to the people who interviewed me, I interview really well, they were extremely impressed with my experience, and I was in the top two, but they ultimately chose someone else. I was a little bummed, and hoped that something else would come my way, in the form of an internship or something a bit more professional than "store clerk," but nothing did.
It was great to be home. I'm glad to be with family again, and I'm so grateful to the family that let me stay with them in Lexington. I can never thank them enough, but I am so glad to be home. It definitely took some adjusting on my parents and my parts once I got here, but we've reached a nice spot where we get along well. But like I said, it took some adjusting. My first night back, I sort of... well I accidentally... I mean... I set off the smoke detector. I lit a candle, that I used to light all the time, had it sitting in the same spot at which it always stays. It was late, my parents had already gone to bed, and I was staying up reading. My room was musty after not being used for so many months, so I lit the blueberry muffin candle I keep next to the door. Five minutes after settling down to read, BEEP - BEEP - BEEP - BEEP, on and on. And it didn't just sound in my room, it went off throughout the house. So of course my parents jump out of bed to come check on me. I come stumbling out of my room saying that everything was ok, that I had lit a candle and it caused the alarm to go off. Once dad saw that everything was ok, he ran to the bathroom real quick (I think he almost wet his pants), but mom gave me this awful glare, grabbed the dog (who, of course, didn't go back to sleep for another few hours) and stalked off to her room. How was I to know that a candle, that had never caused the alarm to go off before, would go off then? Great way to start off living at home again, huh?
Christmas was fine. Towards the end of my sisters' visit, we were getting a bit fed up with each other, but that happens any time we're all together. It's what we do. At least this year I didn't have to go visit the distant relatives with them (I was scheduled to work). I did miss seeing them all, but I definitely did not miss the long car ride there and back, jammed in the back seat with my sisters. Plus I had the house and dog to myself for the night, and I was able to make sugar cookies!
Once the Christmas rush started to die down, I started getting less hours at work. I used to work 5 days out of the week, with 8 hour shifts for each day. Now I'm barely getting in three days out of the week, and getting a grand total of 16 hours per week. I know I should feel lucky that I have a job at all, especially in today's climate, but it's not pleasant to go from having more than twice that, to 16. And I'm still technically down as holiday help, so I may not even have that in a few weeks.
Which brings me to present day. The company that had the internship a few months ago has another one available. I applied for it, and think that I have a decent shot at this one. At least I think I do. I thought I had a decent shot at the last one, though, and look at how that turned out. Anyway, I'm trying to be hopeful. Mainly because I've told myself that if this one doesn't work out, then I'm going to give up on the business world and train to become a teacher. This is something that I've always ruled out mainly because I wanted to try the business world first, to see if I could make it. So far, I can't. I know that I'd enjoy teaching, and that I'd be good at it (even though some members of my family disagree, but I think their opinions are ludicrous). But it makes me sad. Just a little bit. I really could picture myself, for a while at least, successful, sitting in my own office, in a great big chair, living a fast-paced life in the publishing world. "We need to send 20 galleys out tomorrow. 5 need to go to New York." "Author interviews for this book start tomorrow, the first is with WHQK at noon." I guess it could still happen, I haven't heard back from the company yet, so I still have a shot, but I guess, in my mind, I may have given up.
I think I've discovered it's easier that way. Throughout high school and college, I was really successful with anything I applied for. I got most of the scholarships and awards I wanted. I did well in all my classes. Anything I requested of most of my teachers (which was never anything outrageous. I was a good, nerdy student) I received. I was expected to be a huge success in life. Then I graduate from college, and for a full year I have been rejected for job after job. Granted, it wasn't really rejection, it was more, "We're not even going to consider you." The first email I received saying "thanks, but no thanks," was a huge shock. And then it just kept happening! I wasn't even being considered as a worthy candidate for these positions. You can imagine how that effected me. I went from thinking, "I've got this in the bag," to thinking "Oh, well, I probably won't get this. It's just as well..." Which is not how I used to be! How do I go back to that? How do I get that confidence and success back? Because, to tell you the truth, I'm not all that impressed with me right now.
I've never been one to be depressed, ever, but I'm coming close to it. I'm living at home, working a part-time job, with a college degree under my belt, that cost bookoos of money but really only says that I went to and completed college and that doesn't seem to be helping me a whole heck of a lot right now. And I don't have enough money to go back to school and learn something that is actually useful!
Maybe one day, I'll get on pleonast and have nothing but good news for you, non-existent reader, which would be a wonderful day indeed. I know that it's not the end of the world for me. I know that I have options available. I'm just a bit bummed that this one is not working out as easily or as well as I'd hoped. Maybe God has a nice break in the works for me. Maybe it will happen soon. I just hope that I can recognize it when it hits, and that I give God the glory he deserves for all that he has done and still does for me.
One good note: I've been writing for almost a year now, not anything special, just a personal project for myself. For the past month or so, I've had writer's block, but yesterday I finally broke through it. That block is now rubble, ground to dust and is lying as tiny gravel at my feet. I wrote a full three pages yesterday (which is a lot for me, it's normally one per day, but was zero for practically the whole month of December) and another page today, and it is much easier to think of how the next few chapters will go. So I at least feel as though I accomplished something. I work tomorrow, so I need to close this thing down and go to bed.
Don't stay up too late Pleo-readers. I'm so glad this is here and that I have it as an outlet. And I'm also glad this is no longer seen by the majority of my friends. I've gotten a lot more personal with my entries...
Sweet dreams readers,
Princess Booka
About a month after my last entry, I moved away from Lexington. I know, really big decision, but I'm not necessarily regretting it. My one friend at the office left about a week before I did, and I was still doing pretty much the same stuff I had been for the three months before (not so much writing, but a lot of mailing and proof-reading). The people there were really nice, but I was fully ready to continue learning more, and that halted after my second month or so. I was able to stay until the completion of the catalog, so I stayed for a whole season.
A week or two before thanksgiving, I packed all my things, and made my way south. I had two interviews scheduled, one for the internship I told you about, the other for a part-time job at a bookstore. Good news is I got the part-time job. Bad news is I didn't get the internship. According to the people who interviewed me, I interview really well, they were extremely impressed with my experience, and I was in the top two, but they ultimately chose someone else. I was a little bummed, and hoped that something else would come my way, in the form of an internship or something a bit more professional than "store clerk," but nothing did.
It was great to be home. I'm glad to be with family again, and I'm so grateful to the family that let me stay with them in Lexington. I can never thank them enough, but I am so glad to be home. It definitely took some adjusting on my parents and my parts once I got here, but we've reached a nice spot where we get along well. But like I said, it took some adjusting. My first night back, I sort of... well I accidentally... I mean... I set off the smoke detector. I lit a candle, that I used to light all the time, had it sitting in the same spot at which it always stays. It was late, my parents had already gone to bed, and I was staying up reading. My room was musty after not being used for so many months, so I lit the blueberry muffin candle I keep next to the door. Five minutes after settling down to read, BEEP - BEEP - BEEP - BEEP, on and on. And it didn't just sound in my room, it went off throughout the house. So of course my parents jump out of bed to come check on me. I come stumbling out of my room saying that everything was ok, that I had lit a candle and it caused the alarm to go off. Once dad saw that everything was ok, he ran to the bathroom real quick (I think he almost wet his pants), but mom gave me this awful glare, grabbed the dog (who, of course, didn't go back to sleep for another few hours) and stalked off to her room. How was I to know that a candle, that had never caused the alarm to go off before, would go off then? Great way to start off living at home again, huh?
Christmas was fine. Towards the end of my sisters' visit, we were getting a bit fed up with each other, but that happens any time we're all together. It's what we do. At least this year I didn't have to go visit the distant relatives with them (I was scheduled to work). I did miss seeing them all, but I definitely did not miss the long car ride there and back, jammed in the back seat with my sisters. Plus I had the house and dog to myself for the night, and I was able to make sugar cookies!
Once the Christmas rush started to die down, I started getting less hours at work. I used to work 5 days out of the week, with 8 hour shifts for each day. Now I'm barely getting in three days out of the week, and getting a grand total of 16 hours per week. I know I should feel lucky that I have a job at all, especially in today's climate, but it's not pleasant to go from having more than twice that, to 16. And I'm still technically down as holiday help, so I may not even have that in a few weeks.
Which brings me to present day. The company that had the internship a few months ago has another one available. I applied for it, and think that I have a decent shot at this one. At least I think I do. I thought I had a decent shot at the last one, though, and look at how that turned out. Anyway, I'm trying to be hopeful. Mainly because I've told myself that if this one doesn't work out, then I'm going to give up on the business world and train to become a teacher. This is something that I've always ruled out mainly because I wanted to try the business world first, to see if I could make it. So far, I can't. I know that I'd enjoy teaching, and that I'd be good at it (even though some members of my family disagree, but I think their opinions are ludicrous). But it makes me sad. Just a little bit. I really could picture myself, for a while at least, successful, sitting in my own office, in a great big chair, living a fast-paced life in the publishing world. "We need to send 20 galleys out tomorrow. 5 need to go to New York." "Author interviews for this book start tomorrow, the first is with WHQK at noon." I guess it could still happen, I haven't heard back from the company yet, so I still have a shot, but I guess, in my mind, I may have given up.
I think I've discovered it's easier that way. Throughout high school and college, I was really successful with anything I applied for. I got most of the scholarships and awards I wanted. I did well in all my classes. Anything I requested of most of my teachers (which was never anything outrageous. I was a good, nerdy student) I received. I was expected to be a huge success in life. Then I graduate from college, and for a full year I have been rejected for job after job. Granted, it wasn't really rejection, it was more, "We're not even going to consider you." The first email I received saying "thanks, but no thanks," was a huge shock. And then it just kept happening! I wasn't even being considered as a worthy candidate for these positions. You can imagine how that effected me. I went from thinking, "I've got this in the bag," to thinking "Oh, well, I probably won't get this. It's just as well..." Which is not how I used to be! How do I go back to that? How do I get that confidence and success back? Because, to tell you the truth, I'm not all that impressed with me right now.
I've never been one to be depressed, ever, but I'm coming close to it. I'm living at home, working a part-time job, with a college degree under my belt, that cost bookoos of money but really only says that I went to and completed college and that doesn't seem to be helping me a whole heck of a lot right now. And I don't have enough money to go back to school and learn something that is actually useful!
Maybe one day, I'll get on pleonast and have nothing but good news for you, non-existent reader, which would be a wonderful day indeed. I know that it's not the end of the world for me. I know that I have options available. I'm just a bit bummed that this one is not working out as easily or as well as I'd hoped. Maybe God has a nice break in the works for me. Maybe it will happen soon. I just hope that I can recognize it when it hits, and that I give God the glory he deserves for all that he has done and still does for me.
One good note: I've been writing for almost a year now, not anything special, just a personal project for myself. For the past month or so, I've had writer's block, but yesterday I finally broke through it. That block is now rubble, ground to dust and is lying as tiny gravel at my feet. I wrote a full three pages yesterday (which is a lot for me, it's normally one per day, but was zero for practically the whole month of December) and another page today, and it is much easier to think of how the next few chapters will go. So I at least feel as though I accomplished something. I work tomorrow, so I need to close this thing down and go to bed.
Don't stay up too late Pleo-readers. I'm so glad this is here and that I have it as an outlet. And I'm also glad this is no longer seen by the majority of my friends. I've gotten a lot more personal with my entries...
Sweet dreams readers,
Princess Booka